Listen
What?
Definitions
Listen vs. Understand vs Hearing
Engaged listening
What hinders it?
Distracted, not focused.
Poor timing. Environment noisy, distracting.
Physical pain, sickness
Assumptions, assuming you know without actually listening, preconceived ideas
Critical spirit kills people talking
Should we ever not listen?
Gossip/slander
Listen to heart/message behind the words (problem, whining, speaking untruths); address the main issue, not condemn result of illness, real problem, etc. Goal is help them deal with it better way.
What if someone never quits talking?! Depends on who it is. Able to set some boundaries; encourage spouse to hang out with friends. Help them see your need for quiet and mental health
What if spouse won’t talk? Figure out why … not a talker? Critical of spouse? Interrupt? Make difficult for them to talk; some unresolved issue between you?
What about when someone is attacking you? Listen to understand. Legitimate? Their problem?
Why?
Listening is the foundation for communication. Communication is foundation to relationship
God tells us – quick to hear, slow to speak; His example of hearing our cry
Shows respect
Good for the relationship!
Need to communicate to live peaceably together; get things done
Not being understood is frustrating!!!!!!!!
How To?
Focus
Set aside time for important discussions, topics
Set aside time for non-important stuff
Limit distractions – choose location, time (more important for critical topics)
Refuse to think ahead to your response; focus on listening first.
Be okay with quiet, and give each other time to think.
Try rewording spouse’s point of view
Be patient – understanding is worth the effort
Body language (Don Trott)
Understand the value the other person brings to the table
Don’t let stuff build up; talk before there are issues!